10 May 2009

七天前的现在时刻

七天前,在中午收到永丰的SMS,才知道思安入院和患了癌症。

过后和Golden通了电话,他说他也刚和思安通完电话,思安说话的语气很弱,也很喘。本来,我很想打个电话,和我大佬说一声,我隔天会特地搭飞机下去探望他。听了Golden这样的消息,就打消了要和思安通电话的念头了,也造成了我一个很大的遗憾。。。。

在下午时刻,电话还是有讲个不停,特地打了个电话给血大夫,问他得了肺癌,有办法医吗?得到的消息是,肺癌:100%死,没得医。可是,血大夫还安慰我,可能是那边的医生诊错,可能不是肺癌,可能只是淋巴癌,那么还有50%的希望和死神搏斗。过后和文正通了电话,他说他会问Sotong看。然后又陆续的和家结,Unta, golden通电话,内容都是环绕在思安身上。还想给歪老姨知道,刚好她在享受她的家庭日,才马上假假的问她母亲节是第几个礼拜。
过后,文正又再联络我,说,Sotong说,肺癌100%没得医,还用很理性的医生立场来分析说,连化疗也不用了,省起来给遗孀和孩子更实际。(鸡听到后用人性的态度来想,就破口大骂,经过我和他分析说,两个医生都是这样说,他才气消)我和我正还想和思安谈,看他还要给第二间医院诊断吗,我也还想问血大夫,他虽然是医血癌,还是不死心的想要他安排肺癌的医生。过后,家结说他们傍晚会去探望思安。有什么消息才联络我。但是,我还是肯定的第二天我一定会特地下去探望他。

到了六点多,收到永丰的另外一个SMS,那时,我刚好在我房间里面,真的是晴天霹雳,无法接受这个事实。过后,还是狠下心来通知歪老姨,结果还让她落泪了。

真的很遗憾,无法在中午时刻,和思安通个电话。。。。我和他很少在MSN或Skypi什么交谈的。我是直接打他手提谈,更直接更实际。

一个永远都是这么乐天,积极的挚友,很难想象,在往后的时日,我无法再听到他的声音了。和他在这三十年来的片断,总是常浮现在我脑海里。

还有一个遗憾是听Golden说,思安在两个星期前,还精神奕奕的和他说一些生意上的大计,只是少了本钱。听了很心疼,如果早给我知道,凭我们两人的关系和交情,我一定会借他资本的。

然后在这个星期三,我会和家结去探望他太太,看看我们有什么帮得到忙的地方,或是需要我们去做些什么的。

思安 - 一个我已经当他是我哥哥的挚友了。我也乐于当他的细佬二十多年了。我永远都会记得,每次电话响起时,那一端总是说:哈囉,细佬。。。。。。。。

11 comments:

Umbrella Rec said...

Uncle Lai, I feel the same way about not calling him up. It's my greatest regret. I didn't know what to say to him if I called. I also thought it's better for him to take a rest first and when I returned to PJ, I could visit him. At the same time, I was hoping that it was wrongly diagnosed...I was hoping that it's TB which could be cured. Unfortunately, the second SMS from Eng Hong destroyed all my hope.

yy said...

七天前的现在时刻,我身在老乡气喘呼呼的帮老人家打扫房子,还在想着CC打来问母亲节是几时的事感到好笑。六点半左右CC的第二通来电,如果可以时光倒流,我真的不想接...!

Umbrella Rec said...

The situation at Soo Aun's last few hours still haunts me today. I regret for not giving him a call. I should not have told myself, "it's better to let him rest first". I think it's a wrong decision. I didn't know he would rest permanently :(

佩玲 said...

He been caughing for about 4-5 weeks only,went to scan & doctor diagnos him as TB. Then give him abti-TB medicine. 3 weeks later getting worse,went back for appointment. He was bloodless、bleathless.Then the next day gone....
以上是思安的太太在前几天所告诉我的情形。。。即是说,思安咳嗽前前后后差不多两个月。。就这样。。离开了这个世界。。。

Anonymous said...

遗憾,惋惜,不舍。。。。 等等将都会随时间而逝去。让它深深的藏在心中的角落吧!!

Anonymous said...

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Umbrella Rec said...

May I know who are you, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous? You may want to leave your initial or name.

L.S.

fiona loh said...

很遗憾的我-人人都称我是潜水艇。没想到去年的年初二是我和思安见最后一次面。真的想时光倒流,一切都是好好的。为什么安排我们重见了不久又分别呢???

文璧

Anonymous said...

In fact all of u is much stronger and brave than me. At least you guys decided to visit him when u knew he was sick. As for me, I told Teck Chee ` No I am not going. I am scared. I dont want him to leave us.' Then... keep crying. Oh, such a useless tiger.

That afternoon, I SMS him and I received a reply at 3.52pm asking `who is this?'. I felt very strange, he should know who am I. So, I supposed that was not his reply. Around 6++pm, he has gone...

I kept telling myself is just a joke. As his usual self, he like to joke. The only different is this joke is rather crazy, thats all! He has not said goodbye to any of us, so he cant possibly just leave us! But I started to recall whenever he visited me in Singapore, he only say hello to me never say goodbye.

He used to encourage me to go into our blog to get updates of old friends. I always tell him `NO TIME'. 2 days ago I went into this blog. This is the 2nd time I came into this blog since it was established. I immediately switch off my computer when I saw his picture. Today , I come into this blog again. He was the one that encourage me to go into this blog and the 1st news is......

He SMS me several times to attend last year reunion dinner but I replied him `NO TIME, VERY BUSY' I regretted. I missed his live broadcast jokes. Now, I only can repeatedly replay the video but I supposed the feeling is totally the reverse. The more I replay, more tears keep on coming out. I have to thank whoever that put up this video, this is the only source for me to hear his voice.

From that day till now, tears keep coming on and off. I dont know which species I belongs to, such a lousy tiger.

I think I have to accept the fact...he has made a move first. This is definitely not what he wanted but he was not given a choice.



Your smile
Your laughter
Your voice
Your jokes
The way you talk
The way you put your hand on your forehead whenever you laugh
Your face blushing red when you laugh
and ....

will be kept deep in my heart.

Tiger

Umbrella Rec said...

Tiger, everyone has their different reaction when dealing with death/sickness. We are all individuals. You are not me and I am not you. I had a friend who passed away early this year due to the same sickness of Soo Aun and she was a non-smoker too. She refused to see any of us. At least this is not the case of Soo Aun. From my side, I would not say that I am brave either. Even if I was not in Penang that day, I honestly don't know how to react when Golden asked me whether I wanted to join him to visit Soo Aun (even though Golden did not managed to see him on time as well). It will be hard for me to see such an active and happy friend in the hospital with his last breath - the picture will remind me of another of our old friend, Kean Keong when he was in the hospital.

I heard from Eng Hong that Soo Aun had always wanted a gathering years ago before last year. I am glad it came true last year. He is one of those who had done a lot to gather us up after we all have drifted apart over the years. He only wanted us to be "connected" again.

Feeling guilty that I was a sceptic about our gathering. I have decided to pay back Soo Aun to start up this blog (replacing the slow old site) and carrying on what he used to do for us. I could never imagine myself doing this kind of task as I always prefer to be a follower than a leader. Now that Soo Aun is gone....he made me realise how to cherish our friendship...ALL of our friendship ...not just between Soo Aun and I. I hope we will never forget this in the coming years. Even if I am gone one day, I want you to carry on to get "connected".

Tiger, I have learnt that our job is not as important as our friendship and family. Even if the company decides to fire us, the company will not stick with us but our family and TRUE friends will remain with us.

Lean Siang aka L.S.

Umbrella Rec said...

If you're sad about the tragedy, do not hesitate to use this blog as a site to release tension. It's better for you to release it out and let our friend go in peace. Keeping it all inside your heart is more painful.

Let this be a lesson to cherish our frienship. I consider his death as a sacrifice for us to cherish our friendship and keep in touch. Lets not disappoint Soo Aun.